Dec 8, 09:46
Psychology and Feng Shui In Romantic Relationships
By M.J.Brant, M.S.
Carl G. Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist, said that what we fear, deny or don’t address consciously, will come to us as fate. H.G. Chissell says that if we don’t manifest our intentions, we will manifest our fears.
Many people believe therapy is about resolving a crisis or healing a traumatic past and while these are worthy goals indeed, good therapy is also like good feng shui, because it is about making our noble intentions manifested through exploration so that our life can be not just more interesting but more deeply meaningful.
Balancing Yin and Yang energies in our relationships is imperative. Think about Jung and H.G.’s statements within the context of our feeling afraid that our relationship with our significant lover will end because our mate will find someone else. So sometimes we might pull away in a detached manner to the point our Yin (feminine) energy is all that remains for the other. For balance to occur within the context of that relationship the significant other may become understandably and notably angrier, wondering, “Where did my soul mate go?” Now the Yang (masculine) energy comes. Normally this isn’t done consciously, no it is unconscious and it is out of fear. The first party – for example we’ll say a woman – fears rejection and detaches. The male party also fears rejection and abandonment but maybe his response is anger. These are psychological realities yet their origins were fear based, they were unacknowledged and they began being manifested.
Lillian Too (pg. 203-Encyclopedia of feng shui) discusses the principles of Yin and Yang in how the Chinese view conjugal bliss as a double happiness! Hooray! But there will never be much bliss in a home if the space is filled up with anger (Yang) as in “You never!” or feel the passive resistance (Yin) “Oh no, husband, nothing is wrong.” Sometimes one spouse needs to be assertive and extraverted (psychology) and take the lead (Yang) and sometimes one needs to be more passive and introverted and follow (Yin). It’s nice having the opportunity to play both roles in a relationship. One size needn’t fit all in marriage or in looking for a love relationship.
Are you feeling angry today? (Yang) Do yourself and your relationship a favor and literally cool off by removing that red sweater if you are wearing one, have a nice glass of fresh spring water over some crushed ice and maybe submerge yourself in a tepid bath. Not only will you feel better when you finally speak to your mate, but in your new physically balanced state, you will feel clearer emotionally about what is actually troubling your spirit. “I feel hurt when you come home an hour late and never even call. It makes me feel like you don’t care.” Psychologically this makes one vulnerable, I will agree, but it also makes one face their real truth and believe me, the truth does indeed set us free.
Are you sometimes lacking energy in the romantic department? Where did the chi go? Time to get physical! Go for a walk, lift some weights, or take a bike ride. Statistics show that people who exercise not only feel more in the mood; they feel more attractive and that fabulous energy unleashes everyone’s tiger. Also introduce a beautiful red comforter in your bedroom, make certain you have a stable new headboard, preferably made of wood with a solid wall behind it and buy Klimt’s picture of ‘The Kiss’ to replace the one of Grandmom! Surely then you’ll make your own fire element!
Sometimes people will try to save money and economize, but in matters of love, it’s more costly not to implement positive changes. I know a man who after he married wife #2 told me he would not get a new bed because he didn’t need one, “The one I have is fine for us!” Whoa, lots of Yang here from him. She, wife #2, wanting to keep the peace, shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. Lots of Yin here but where’s the balance (feng shui) with her and him and where’s the honesty (psychology). Did he learn that kind of rigid control in his family of origin? Did she learn that peace at any price in hers? Yikes now how many people are in that bed? Wife #1, wife #2 and husband #1 every time one enters that master suite! This is not good psychology or good feng shui!
It’s a known fact that Yin and Yang energies work together creating a harmonious space. You can transform your master bedroom into one that feels warm, receptive and restful (Yin) and passionate, exciting and on fire (Yang). Think of the lovely balance you are creating as you turn the lights low (Yin) and put a match to those two red candles (Yang) whose flame releases an exotic cinnamon scent in your bedroom: nice and spicy. Also make sure you have balanced rest for nothing takes us further away from the mood than exhaustion which can then lead us to it’s sister and brother: depression and anxiety.
So until our next newsletter, my friends, when I’ll be discussing where psychology and feng shui come together in career, remember everyone loves love; it’s universal! If we are fortunate enough to have that attachment and devotion than protect it by enhancing its chi by keeping your relationships strong, by being mindful of your mate’s needs as well as your own, and don’t forget to keep your thoughts, your words and your actions positive. You can do it!
M.J.Hurley Brant, M.S. is a practicing therapist of 25 years working with The Chissell Group. She invites you to read 5 chapters of the book she has written entitled Dear Katie, A Mother Writes to Her Daughter in Heaven. She is actively searching for a publisher. See www.mjhb.net M.J. happily invites your comments.
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